written by bra-z0r @ 8:59 PM
brace yourself. i’m about to rock the foundations of your existence and make you realise that all you ever believed in was untrue. in my 15 years of life, i have come across some startling realisations, and it’s time for me to share them with you. this is no joke, these things were staring us all in the face for years, yet they have somehow managed to elude us, or appear as totally normal when they’re clearly not. here we go:
1. recess = brunch. yes. we have been doing brunch 5 days a week for 9 years without even realising it!
2. socks are SO weird. they are like little sleeves of material you put over your feet to protect them from your shoes. who thinks up these things?!
3. what’s with the awkwardness when it comes to people in wheelchairs? they’re just people sitting down!
4. pigs have the mental capacity of a two year old child. eating pork/ham/bacon is like eating a toddler. eating bacon flavoured stuff is like eating essence-of-toddler.
5. kissing is so odd. it has no purpose. it’s just putting your eating holes together.
6. laughing makes no sense. people get hurt or do something stupid or say something smart, and then we have spasms of our diaphragms or whatever and this weird jerky noise comes out. why is this considered normal?!
7. how do animals all know instinctively how to have sex, yet we all needed “the talk” before we even considered the possibility? i think maybe humans are actually the dumbest of the animals.
8. eating eggs is kinda gross. they've been in chicken's vaginas! the chickens ovulate and we're like "ohh yummy! i will extract the product of this chicken's period. mm, unfertilised ovum, i will scramble this and eat it on my toast!"
9. drinking alcohol is like becoming retarded for a few hours. parties are like weird gatherings where people get together and drink until they're unable to function properly. it's a really strange concept, we become retards to get our kicks, and laugh at one another being retards, but then if a real retard comes along and someone laughs, they'll cop shit. retarded people should be entertaining, they're like drunk people. but that's a whole new barrel of monkeys.
10. what's up with eyebrows?! they're just two lines of fur randomly growing on your forehead! and we like style them (can u believe there's a stylish way to wear them?), and we make fun of them when they join, as if we're so superior for having 2 separate bits of fur. get off your highhorse, we're all freaks.
1. recess = brunch. yes. we have been doing brunch 5 days a week for 9 years without even realising it!
2. socks are SO weird. they are like little sleeves of material you put over your feet to protect them from your shoes. who thinks up these things?!
3. what’s with the awkwardness when it comes to people in wheelchairs? they’re just people sitting down!
4. pigs have the mental capacity of a two year old child. eating pork/ham/bacon is like eating a toddler. eating bacon flavoured stuff is like eating essence-of-toddler.
5. kissing is so odd. it has no purpose. it’s just putting your eating holes together.
6. laughing makes no sense. people get hurt or do something stupid or say something smart, and then we have spasms of our diaphragms or whatever and this weird jerky noise comes out. why is this considered normal?!
7. how do animals all know instinctively how to have sex, yet we all needed “the talk” before we even considered the possibility? i think maybe humans are actually the dumbest of the animals.
8. eating eggs is kinda gross. they've been in chicken's vaginas! the chickens ovulate and we're like "ohh yummy! i will extract the product of this chicken's period. mm, unfertilised ovum, i will scramble this and eat it on my toast!"
9. drinking alcohol is like becoming retarded for a few hours. parties are like weird gatherings where people get together and drink until they're unable to function properly. it's a really strange concept, we become retards to get our kicks, and laugh at one another being retards, but then if a real retard comes along and someone laughs, they'll cop shit. retarded people should be entertaining, they're like drunk people. but that's a whole new barrel of monkeys.
10. what's up with eyebrows?! they're just two lines of fur randomly growing on your forehead! and we like style them (can u believe there's a stylish way to wear them?), and we make fun of them when they join, as if we're so superior for having 2 separate bits of fur. get off your highhorse, we're all freaks.